Pokemon: The Mary Sue Years
by Sheik Lovin' Rose-chan
Summary: Join a fledgling Pokemon Trainer as she travels the world, because she is beautiful and smart and everyone loves her. Or just hate her guts and pray for her death.
1. A Sue is Born

Pokemon: The Mary Sue Years

By Sheik Lovin' 'Yaoi owns het and Mary Sues in every conceivable way' Rose-chan

DISCLAIMER: All your rights to Pokémon are belong to Nintendo. You have no chance to take credit make your time. Ha ha ha ha…

Vanatessa couldn't sleep. She was to start her Pokémon journey tomorrow, and she couldn't wait. She would receive her first Pokémon, even though she was so beautiful and smart she was Professor Oak's assistant (because no-one needs to know or care about what happened to Tracey) and so she knew she would get her pick of any of the pokémon the Professor kept.

Vanatessa was 16 years old – she had put back her journey so she could study pokemon and battle techniques (for _6 freakin' years!_ These authors need to come up with better excuses for not writing about 10 year olds) so she would be unbeatable in battle. Naturally she would be unbeatable anyway, because Vanatessa was beautiful and smart and everyone loved her far too much to defeat her in battle. Such a thing was unheard of.

She brushed her long, luminescent green hair, which had a tendency to shift colours depending on what the author felt like, and – due to her unusual heritage – her eyes also did the same thing. Her mother had been a first-class Mary Sue, and no male alive had been able to resist her. Vanatessa, of course, was much cooler and more beautiful and smarter than her mother had ever been despite the human blood in her veins, and you'll be seeing a lot more of 'beautiful' and 'smart' because that's what Vanatessa is. Eventually, because the author is now bored of writing this scene and wants to get to the Pokémon, she fell asleep and dreamed Mary Sue dreams.

The alarm clock screeched and Vanatessa awoke with a start.

"Oh no!" she cried, in her beautiful voice which could charm a Pidgey from its nest. "I overslept! Of all the generic cliché openings we could have – I mean, oh no!" Due to her ability to somehow oversleep even though the alarm clock had woken her up at the correct time, Vanatessa was now LATE! Her sense of urgency heightened by the caps lock, she scurried around trying to get dressed and pack her bags at the same time, a feat only accomplishable by a Greater or higher ranked Mary Sue – unfortunately, Vanatessa was only a n00blet Sue, and so she fell over as the readers cheered. Or pressed the back button because they're bored by now. I think we can all agree that this scene sucks so we'll just skip to the Lab.

"Ah, Tess! I was quite worried that you wouldn't show! One would think that after 6 years you'd be up bright and early for your Pokémon journey…"

Glaring at the old man for even daring to insult her – her! The main character! The star of the show! – Tess used her psychic powers she had had since she was a baby (and which will probably never be mentioned again) to make him forget what had just happened.

"Oh, Tessa! You're here early. Looking forward to your new Pokémon?"

"Of course!" She shrilled sweetly, smiling at the nicknames, which will now change randomly for the rest of the fic.

"Right this way, then," Oak said, leading her to where the Pokémon were kept.

"Because you've been studying so hard recently, and you've been such a great help, I've decided to reward you. Instead of the usual 3 starters, you can have the pick of any of the newborns from here."

"Wow, that's so cool! Thank you, Professor!" Vanny gazed at the baby pokémon, which were Mewtwo, Kyogre, Raikou, Rayquaza, Mew and…

"Is that Suicune!"

"Why, yes. It is," clarified Oak, before muttering to himself. "One would think how we have a baby Mew and Mewtwo would be a more pressing question…"

"I'll take her! She's soooo adorable!" Wincing slightly at Suicune now having a gender, Oak put on a strained smile and nodded. Taking out the baby legendary (and you're damned if you think you're getting an explanation) he presented her to Vanatessa, who hugged the tiny creature. "Would you like to give it – I mean, her - a nickname?"

Gazing into the eyes of her new Pokémon, Vanatessa nodded. "I'll call her Silversplash!"

"Well, that's over the ten character limit…but because it's you, Vanatessa, I'll allow that."

"Thank you, professor! Silversplash! I choose you!"

"Suicune!" Called out Vanatessa's first Pokémon, Silversplash!

And – because no self respecting Mary Sue fic gets past Generic Home Town after the first chapter – you may now all stop reading. And review. Reviews are always good.


	2. Yet More Originality

You Know What This Thing Is Called Already

Amazingly, this is still by Sheik Lovin 'Insert gimmick here' Rose-chan.

Disclaimer: Nintendo owns all, yaoi rules, I don't own anything, Ash sucks, yadda yadda yadda.

After 6 years of waiting, Vanny was finally on the road to be a Pokémon Master! She was very confident – after all, not only did she have the legendary Suicune, she was the main character. There was no possible way she could lose! Why, if she wandered into Indigo Plateau right now, she's probably get the title simply because the Elite Four would be far too terrified to take on a Sue. Maybe on this journey she would even find out who her father was; tragically, she'd never known him and her mother had passed away when she was young, so she was living with her foster parents in Pallet Town even though there was only two houses and the Lab.

She walked along happily and hummed to herself, her mood not hampered by her depressing and not at all cliché past. Before it got to the point where she broke out into song and this became a pointless song-fic (which aren't allowed now anyway), she heard voices and malicious laughter. Booo.

Suddenly sensing that this was an Important Plot Point, Vanatessa broke into a run to put a stop to whatever evil was happening, because anyone with malicious laughter is _always_ evil. No exceptions. She came upon a terrible sight; four Team Rocket members were torturing a small Vulpix, never mind that it's only Route 1! And why is it always Vulpix or Eevee that the Sues come across early on? Anyway…

"You!" she cried out in her imposing Sailor Moon wannabe voice, "Stop right there!"

"Look missy, if you don't wanna get hurt you don't mess with Team Rocket!" Not even trying to hide their identity and in broad daylight, the four grunts stood up and looked generally menacing,

"You thugs don't scare me! Hurting Pokémon is _wrong_!" Oh, the drama! Vanny was in her element now, and nothing was going to stop her righteous anger!

"Oh? What's that you've got on your belt, then? You're a trainer, and you force Pokémon to fight!"

"Well…you, uh…" Logic! A Sues most powerful foe! How could they have possibly known her only weakness? Clutching her head in pain, Vanatessa stumbled to the side as she cried out. Spots danced before her eyes – no! Her beautiful eyes couldn't fail her now! The logic, combined with the overload of exclamation marks, was slowly breaking down her mental barriers…she was done for…

As if in a dream, Vanny heard someone call out, "Flamethrower!"

The yells and surprised shouts of the grunts fell on deaf ears as Vanatessa collapsed.

_Ph34r t3h susp3ns3!11!_

Vanatessa awoke to the sounds of a crackling fire and someone humming a tune she didn't know. She blearily opened her eyes, which had chosen to be sky blue. The stars twinkled overhead and the moon shined from on high, which altogether made a completely boring scene that you're going to have to suffer through anyway.

"Oh, you're awake. Are you okay?" Tessa sat straight up. Sitting across from her was someone who could be no-one else but the main male character. He had saved her, and now they were destined to be together! Her heart giddy already, Tess gazed at him and batted her now emerald eyes.

"I'm quite all right, thank you so much for saving me from those nasty Rockets, Mr…?" (16 years old? Yeah.)

"Dan," he said, showing the Gary Stus unusual trait of having a completely normal, non-exotic name, unlike Mary Sues where pretty much anything goes. "Call me Dan."

"Well, thank you, Dan. My name is Vanatessa, but you can come up with your own cute nickname and we'll be just like a couple!"

"_What_?"

"Did I say that out loud? Hang on."

One mind wipe later, and…

"Oh, Tess, I've only just met you and I barely know anything about you but you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen!"

"Oh Dan, you're so…oh! That poor Vulpix! What happened to it?"

Feeling the angst coming on, Dan motioned to a small, quivering lump of fur, which seemed to know it was doomed.

"I think he's alright. No major wounds or anything. Maybe he's a special Vulpix? I mean, you don't get them round here normally, right?"

"That'd be so cool!" Almond eyes blinked up at Vanny, who ignored Dan's pointing out of the author's incompetence and smiled at the small fox.

"Vulpix? Would you like to come with me on my journey?" Hanging his head and resigned to his fate, the many-tailed fox nodded once and hated himself for it.

"Alright! I think I'll call you…."

"Flashfire!" (Hooray for originality!)

TBC…

It's always Vulpix or Eevee. Always. Now review, and be a better person for it!

**_Thanks to:_** Ahura Mazda, SonicTU (you want more? You got more!), Fire Blazing Chan S.E (thanks for the review!), Ri2 (Second Chapter: Did someone say my name?)

_Next Chapter: _Route 1 is never spoken of again, and what's this commotion at Viridian Gym?


	3. Lost the Plot

This Is Where the Title Should Be

By Sheik Lovin' 'Updating MACHINE' Rose-chan

Disclaimer: Nintendo owns Pokemon. Pokemon owns me. We are very happy together.

Things were looking very good for Vanatessa. She already had some of the most cliché Pokémon out there, she had an angsty love interest, and she was already at the first Gym! According to the news there was a new leader at Viridian Gym after some fellow Mary Sues had forced Team Rocket out, and apparently the most powerful Sue in their group now ran it. Not that Vanatessa was worried, however; she was the _main character_. There was no way she could possibly lose because she was smarter and more beautiful than the rest of the entire population of the world put together.

Naturally.

Whoever this rival Sue was, she was going _down_. With her and Dan's powers combined, she was Captain Pla-uh, unstoppable. Marching boldly up to the big double doors with Dan trailing along after her, Tess was on top of the world and nothing would bring her down.

Except angsty male characters.

"Do you even know how powerful this Gym leader is? She's supposed to be the last one trainers face, not the first! She's one of the best trainers in my homeland-"

"Homeland?" Oh, yeah. She hadn't actually talked to Dan about who he was, where he came from or what Pokémon he had. But Mysterious Pasts were never mentioned right away, so that was okay.

"I come from Hoenn. Valtaria Lightstar is her name; she's the daughter of one of the Gym Leaders. She's been the Champion for the last 3 years, and she sort of disappeared with a band of travelling trainers who swore to take out Team Rocket." Even though Team Rocket doesn't exist in Hoenn. Plot Hole? You betcha.

"Huh. Silversplash and Flashfire can take her out!"

"Have you done _any _training whatsoever?"

"And I suppose you were taking a sightseeing trip to Pallet, right? Don't tell me you didn't come here to get the Earth Badge."

"Yeah, but I've finished the Hoenn _and_ Johto areas and this is my last Badge. All with one Pokémon, as well," he added, with just a trace of smugness.

"Wow, Dan, you're super strong! But I can take you on right here, right now, and then this Val-whatever's next!"

Ebony eyes narrowed.

"You'll regret that."

TBC… (OMG THE DRAMA)

Not really.

"Yeah? Go, Silversplash!"

The legendary beast of water cried out her call as she faced down the mysterious trainer. (It/she's never seen Dan, remember?)

"You're in for a world of hurt! Go, Sid!"

The light of Dan's only Pokéball erupted and Vanny shielded her eyes, before seeing what Dan's so-called super powerful Pokémon was. It wasn't like anything she'd ever seen before; blue eyes gazed at her in defiance, taloned claws flexed as flames flared on the creature's wrists and a curved beak-

Aw hell, you all know what a Blaziken looks like.

This was too good. Tessa's 6 years of researching and studying had not gone to waste. Ignoring the contradiction it would make of 'it wasn't like anything she'd ever seen before', the blue haired beauty grinned at the pitiful excuse for a trainer.

"I have the advantage, _Dan_. Blaziken is part fire, and you just sent it out against the Lord of the Waters! That's like, the most _basic_ thing that _everyone_ knows. No-one's stupid enough to send out a fire type…"

"Sky Uppercut!"

"…against…huh?"

Because Blaziken is the pwnz0r of your ownz0rs, and the fact that this stupid Sue is _really_ getting on my nerves, the fire chicken (laugh and die) had sent poor, innocent Silversplash into the sky with a powerful, well, uppercut. Landing heavily on her side with a cry, she was COMBO'D by the fighter in a series of alternating kicks and punches while Vanny just stood there with her mouth open. A final punch and Silversplash crashed down as the 1-up symbol appeared over her head as the music played.

Down and out.

"N…no! That's impossible!" (Darth Vader: NooOOOOOOoooooOOOOOooo)

Not good, _not_ good…"Silversplash, return! Go, Flashfire!"

The tiny fox blinked up at his opponent, which towered over him. Just as his opponent began to make his move, however, screams and cries from within the Gym stopped both trainers in their tracks. There were several blasts from within and the whole building trembled, and people were running out of the Gym. Recalling Sid, Dan stopped the nearest person as Vanny sank to her knees in defeat.

"What's going on?"

"Some guys Tyranitar's gone berserk! It's Hyper Beaming everything in sight! Even Val can't stop it!"

A grin. "Quadruple fighting weakness? Bring it on."

"No." Vanatessa recalled Flashfire and she struggled to her feet. "It's my job. I'm the Sue." She was the star of the show. One not really defeat – he had recalled first! – wasn't going to stop her.

"It should be me."

TBC (OMG THE DRAMA)

A/N: The battle thing? I don't know where it came from, either. I have _no_ idea why, but I imagine Dan to look like Kratos from Tales of Symphonia. It sort of…crept up on me. It can't be a good thing, though, because Kratos is teh suck. And now he gets to hang out with a Mary Sue.

Meh.

**_Thanks to:_** RI2 (Second-time reviewer! You, my friend, may have this cookie. Pikachu seems to be a favourite among Sues), choco aardvark (Your guess is as good as mine. Thanks for the review!), Katire StarDust (Well, I do have a character later on in the story who doesn't yet have a name…but that's in Saffron, and if I ever get that far then I'll be amazed. And what would a Mary Sue fic be without Pikachu?)

_Next chapter: _They actually go to the Gym for real, and it's Sue vs. Sue! Can Vanatessa overcome the Tyranitar _and_ whatever I called the Sue leader with only one Pokémon? (Well, duh).


	4. The Taming of the George

Writing Bad Mary Sue Parody Fanfiction at 2am Helps You Get to Sleep

By Sheik Lovin' 'Stuff goes here' Rose-chan

Disclaimer: If I owned Pokemon, I would be a very rich man living in Japan. Since I am not rich, I do not live in Japan nor am I male, it is safe to assume I do not own Pokémon.

Note: Here be crappy action scenes. You've been warned.

Striding boldly into Viridian Gym, Vanatessa didn't even stop to think that maybe, just maybe, this was stupid and suicidal and a berserk Tyranitar was very capable of killing her. But that would involve logic, and we all saw what happened last time.

"This is insane," muttered Dan, forced to remain outside in order to give the Sue her glory.

Back inside the Gym, Tessa stopped as she reached the arena and said berserk Tyranitar. She saw a girl who was dazzlingly beautiful (not as much as her,) likely the Leader Dan had been talking about. She was helping a boy get to his feet.

"You should get out of here." Said the one Tess assumed to be Valtaria Lightstar, even though Vanatessa was on the other side of the Gym arena and there was no possible way she could have heard her. The boy struggled up and stared at the Tyranitar, which was conveniently not doing anything in order for the dialogue to take place.

"N-no, I want to…George, why are you…"

As if on cue, a Hyper Beam struck the Gym roof. The boy yelled as the rock and debris fell, barely managing to dodge it.

Hearing another blast, Dan decided that he was not going to stand there for the whole chapter, thus giving him no opportunities to be cool or mysterious at all. Well, screw that! He wasn't even going to get any angsting in at this rate. And what was a male character without his angst?

Inside, the boy decided to take Valtaria's advice. He hurried out and almost ran into Vanny.

"Aah! Oh, I'm sorry…who are you?"

"My name is Vanatessa," Dramatic Pose, "And I'm going to stop him!"

"Well…George is my Pokémon. Please, don't hurt him too much!"

"George…? Well, okay. I can help him."

"Thank you so much, Vanatessa!" And the random kid was never mentioned again.

"George!" Tess called out. The Tyranitar turned towards her and she used her psychic powers to try and find out what was wrong with him. (Let's ignore the fact that Tyranitar is Rock/Dark and would therefore be immune, okay?)

Humans…Rocket…base…destroy…trap…darkness… 

"W-what? This is…"

_Trap…base…DARKNESS!_ (Allow me to take this opportunity to say that CATS owns Ansem and that match was a fluke. You know what you doing).

"Aaaah!"

A Hyper Beam devastated where she had just been, and Vanatessa blinked up at Dan as the readers cursed him.

"Oh…thank you. But I have to do this. I have to help him."

"You're insane, you know that?"

"No," she replied, "I'm a Sue." (Audience groans) "Hey! Tyranitar!"

George was again handily doing nothing, just staring down at her.

"Come back to your senses! Special Sue Power…Healing RAY!"

Light burst from Vanny's body and filled what was left of the arena. Dan and Valtaria shielded their eyes and the Tyranitar roared in surprise at the blinding illumination. The light slowly cleared, and George again gazed down at her.

I see…Master…take me… 

"Wha…really? Are you sure?"

_No choice. Master wills it._

"Wow, cool! Okay, George! Return!"

The Tyranitar's eyes held a hint of sadness, and before the light claimed him he had one last thought, unknown to the Sue:

I…am lost… 

Tessa held up the Pokéball in triumph.

"I am, like, SO cool! Nothing can stop me! Dan, did you see me?"

"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry. I was angsting about my Mysterious Past."

"What? But-"

Before another boredom inducing argument broke out, a slow clapping filled the Gym.

"Very impressive, Vanatessa. But am I right in assuming your Sue rank is so low you don't even have a ridiculously stupid second name?"

Valtaria Lightstar stepped out of the shadows, levelling her amber gaze at the worst character ever. Vanny hung her head.

"Yes…but you'll see! You get your second name at the second badge, right?"

"After you defeat Misty, yes."

"Well, once I've beaten you Brock won't know what hit him!"

"You won't even get that far, Vanatessa! We'll stop you here!"

"…We?"

"Yes." Another figure detached itself from the shadows. "I am also your opponent."

Valtaria smiled. "This is my twin sister, Arianna Darkstar. You have to defeat both of us to gain the Earth Badge."

"Interesting," said Dan, who felt it was entirely too long since he had lines. "I want the badge as well. To save time, I'll be Vanny's partner. One Pokémon each, when one side loses both their Pokémon they lose. Sound good?"

"I never thought I'd see you here, Daniel Firebringer. But I accept your terms. Ari?"

"Fine with me, sis," the newcomer replied, "I must warn you two, though, me and Val are unbeatable. Your chance of winning is…zero!"

"You think that tired old anime cliché will scare me? Go, Sid!"

"George! Show them what you've got!"

Valtaria shook her head. "Oh, dear. I'm afraid you'll have to see why my name alone strikes fear into others. Altaria, go!"

Vanatessa gasped as the Sky dragon appeared.

"Your name corresponds with your Pokémon? That's…that's so cool…"

"You realised it too late! Murkrow, it's your turn!"

"And Arianna Darkstar uses Dark types…the coolness is too much! How high is their rank?"

"Idiot! Focus on the battle! Sid, Flamethrower!"

Twin voices called out at the same time.

"Fly!"

"Earthquake!"

The Murkrow lifted itself into the air and easily avoided the stream of fire. Altaria created a powerful shockwave in the earth at the same time, causing our…heroes, I guess…to stumble and lose their footing. As Sid was recovering from the doubly strong attack a black blur shot into him, nailing another weakness as he cried out.

"No! Sid, hang in there!"

"George, Rock Slide!"

"Faint Attack!"

"Ice Beam!"

Arianna's Pokémon again dodged the attack with ease, following through by slamming into Sid. The frigid beam of ice froze the oncoming rocks, and as they fell to the floor Arianna broke into hysterical laughter.

"Oh, my! Is this all the might Daniel Firebringer and the _main character_ can do? We haven't even started using our Sue powers!"

"Ari!" Valtaria snapped. "Whenever anyone starts to talk like that, they lose! Do not underestimate your opponent!"

"But, sis!" Arianna whined. "It's not even close! They're pathe-"

"There's no other choice, then…" Vanny mused. "Dan. The Desperation Combo may be our only option."

"Whoa. You sure about this?"

Nod. Grin. (Hands up who's bored by now?)

Vanatessa glared at the two Gym leaders.

"You two are going down!"

(Dramatic Pause™)

"HYPER BEAM!"

"OVERHEAT!"

CAPS LOCK!

The beam of pure power crashed into Altaria, forcing Val to throw herself aside as it carried on and smashed the dragon into the wall. Murkrow didn't fare much better, because it's stats suck and Overheat owns your face. In one fell swoop Ash Ketchum himself would be proud of (not that I like that stupid git), Valtaria and Arianna were defeated.

Arianna stared up at Tessa in shock, and Valtaria picked herself up with as much dignity as she could. Recalling Altaria, she turned to the victors.

"I must say, I am well and truly impressed. In accordance to League rules, I give both of you the Earth Badge." Smile. "Well done."

"No! There has to be some kind of mistake! There's no way we'd lose to some…no-name Sue! You cheated!"

"Arianna Darkstar! It is unbecoming of a Gym leader to act in such a way after a fair defeat!" (Let's ignore Whitney.) "It was a great battle. I am a member of the Sue High Council…"

"R-really?"

"…And I am so impressed, I wish to grant you your second name. From this day, you are Vanatessa Moonsylph!"

TBC…

A/N: Bleh. I think I lost the funny in this chapter.

**_Thanks to:_** Katire StarDust (Seryn? Uh…was he in Saffron?), choco aardvark (Flawless? Aww, thanks! Hey, no dissing Blaziken. It owns your face), Ri2 (As in, Kratos suxx0rs most greatly. Hmm…how about releasing it into a herd of wild Pikachu? That's a fairly Sue-ish thing to do. And this fic is about as serious as a Mary Sue parody can get), Sdrive (Review explosion! Thank you so much!), Nyaa-Neko (Thank you for the review! And I love your name, by the way).

_Next Chapter:_ How long until the inevitable Pikachu? Place bets now! Oh yeah, and they go into the forest. That too.


	5. The Forest of Not Much Happens

I Dunno, Some Sort of Title

By Sheik Lovin' 'Zero owns your soul' Rose-chan

A/N: Bah. My inspiration died and this chapter really didn't want to get written. Apologies to all for the delay. Better late than never, right? Right? Oh.

DISCLAIMER: The day I get paid for writing crappy Mary Sue parodies is the day I rule the world, or at least own Nintendo. I currently do not rule the world. I also do not own Nintendo, nor do I get paid for this. Satisfied?

Our new scene begins in a happy, picturesque little forest north of Viridian. Viridian Forest is actually nothing like picturesque at all and any happy little bunnies were probably wiped out by those damn Weedles (where's an antidote when you need one?) and I'm getting terribly off-track here.

Right. Forest. Description. You all know what the stupid forest looks like. Dark. Twisty. And so on. Well, it's my fic, and if I want to skip descriptions I can and there's nothing you can do about it, so there.

Vanatessa was perfect as always; the considerable forest undergrowth seemed to bounce off her when it threatened to dirty her prefect clothes.

Insert two paragraphs describing her outfit here

Dan, however, wasn't faring as well as the Sue and he was covered in the dirt and grime of the forest in order to make Vanny seem more special. But he's one Pokémon wonder-boy, so he's used to forests (but don't ask me how he beat Winona, or Tate and Liza, or Wallace, or…).

Even though he technically had all the badges it was possible to get (the Orange Islands and whatever else the writers invented to keep the series going are a figment of your imagination and never happened) one dose of Sue-power and he had agreed to accompany Vanatessa on her journey with some excuse, like…I don't know, protection or something.

I suddenly have an urge to write this chapter in 1337. Hell, it's my fic.

"Liek omg I pwnz0r j00!"

"But I beated j00 lolz 14m3r."

….

Okay. Worst idea ever.

But suddenly – because I'm fast running out of ideas so we'll just skip to the inevitable – a Pikachu ran out in front of them! It didn't attack them or anything, like wild Pokémon are supposed to do before you can capture them! It's all very exciting! Exclamation Mark!

"Oh, wow! A Pikachu!"

Dan looked bored.

"Wow. A Pikachu. Never seen one of those before. And look, it's level 3."

"Quiet, you. Flashfire, go!" Hey, did she ever heal that Suicune?

"Ember!" Because Vanatessa is a Sue, Ember did the same amount of damage Fire Blast does and instantly killed – I mean, caused the electric rat, which is NOT CUTE AT ALL, to faint. Which doesn't stop her ability to capture it, like it should. I mean, I don't even know how many times I had to reset when Rock Slide killed Moltres in one hit before it used Endure, but whine moan complain point out the flaws in the story. Stupid Mary-Sues.

"You know, you can get level 20 ones in the Power Plant." Because the world will tremble before a level 20 Pikachu.

"Stop ruining the mood! Pokéball, go!"

She captures the Pikachu, gives it a stupid name, the forest is never mentioned again and they randomly teleport to Pewter, et cetera.

A/N: I'm really sorry for the delay and the short chapter, but excuse. Hopefully the next one will be longer/come out quicker (And maybe I'll update that Zelda fic. Hah! I slay myself!)

**_Thanks to:_** Fire Blazing Chan S.E (Hey, I spent a whole minute coming up with that name. And I had to choose from such _brilliant_ names, such as Mooncrystal, Moonsong, Moonnoun, and so on. Yep, Blaziken's awesome. Second favourite Pokémon right there)

- Katire StarDust (But Ansem was beaten by Robotnik, who was slaughtered by Ganondorf, who overperformed against Sephiroth, and no-one else knows what the hell I'm talking about. Oh, and CATS got more on Link that Ganondorf did),

- Sdrive (Hell, I see the word 'girl' and I scroll down. The yaoi hath consumed my soul. Thanks again!)

- Nyaa-Neko (YOU'RE WINNER! Even though this chapter was so pitifully short it counts as 'the beginning of the middle'. I'll try to be better, I promise)

- BrokenChains (Thanks for the review!)

- Darkeiya the Darkocelot (Four – no, _five_ XD's! That has to count for something! Yeah, I stole the COMBO'D joke. The Cheat pwns.)

- Greenfrie (It is spreading…muwahahahaha. Thank you!)

- Hanako Tabris (If there are two male characters, there will be yaoi. A quick look at my favourite stories should answer your question)

- ducks-rule-world (Thank you for the reviews! -gives ducks-rule-world a hug-)

- SonicTU (Yeah, that wasn't as good as previous chapters. But it had George! Everybody loves George!)

_Next chapter:_ I'm sure you can figure it out for yourselves. Pewter, anyone?


	6. Some Sort of Closure

The Title of Titles

By Sheik Lovin' "Augh is the best non-word ever" Rose-chan

Disclaimer: Not mine, you vultures.

I figured I should probably end this instead of letting it fester forever and you hating me more and more as the months go by, so here you go. I didn't have any other plot in mind either, so it's the best of both worlds! Yay! A cookie to anyone who guesses the ending without cheating.

* * *

Oak hummed to himself as he checked over his work and did Professor-Like Things, because the author is too lazy to describe what he does in any great detail. The old, robust radio – he'd never had the heart to replace it, even though it looked terribly out of place in the spotless Lab – clicked on of it's own accord, because it happens all the time in the movies and this is a Vital Piece Of Information. 

"_Reports of increasing seismic activity in the Mount Moon region have been coming in steadily for the last few days. Whether it's a natural occurrence or a disturbance caused by a rogue Pokemon is unknown, but all trainers are advised to stay well out of the area until the situation has been investigated more thoroughly. Professor Ivy, what do you make of this situation?"_

"Stupid," he muttered to himself. "Of course they'll go in if they think it's a new Pokemon…" he couldn't blame them; he'd have gone himself if he were ten years younger, but this only looked like a large amount of young people getting themselves killed in the hope of discovering a new type of species that might not even exist. That sentence didn't make sense. Oak shook his head and toddled off to do whatever it is he does. Use your imagination, dammit.

**Gratuitous Scene Change! (It's big and important, so it's in bold! And underlined! Just try and ignore it!)**

Vanatessa proudly held up her brand new and oh-so-shiny Boulder Badge, after an epic battle that will never be spoken of again; it is That Of Which We Do Not Speak. Fear my laziness.

"That was so awesome!" our Sueoine exclaimed as she jauntily headed off to the Pokecenter to make sure her team would be ready for the trip through Mount Moon. Upon arriving, though, it wasn't that easy; due to the announcement, trainers had started gathering at the Pewter Center, to seek out this supposed new Pokemon.

"This is insane," Dan muttered as he elbowed his way towards the reception. "We should just wait it out, and…Tess?" he was suddenly standing in nothing, engulfed in darkness. "Hello? Anyone?" Oh, God. Was he dead? Not possible, there was no way-

"Oh, hey! Hello! I don't know how long it's been since I've heard someone else's voice!" a young man had come unnoticed behind him, grinning in a relieved way.

"Who are you? What's going on?"

"Ah, sorry. My name's Tracey; I think this some kind of weird dimension or something. I was just cataloguing the Pokemon one day and I just ended up here…"

The Plot Hole continued serenely on its way, content in the knowledge of a job well done.

* * *

Back at the Center, the smart and beautiful Vanatessa had no concern for her missing companion; he'd show up later. She had better things to contend with, such as her newfound Rival Sue. Boo, hiss. 

"My name's Naiad," she declared prissily, flipping her red-gold hair over her shoulder. There's always one with red-gold hair. And violet eyes which she, coincidentally, also has. Never mind that my inner voice is screaming 'colour clash! It looks terrible! Ngaugh!'

"_I'm_ Vanatessa Moonsylph, and I have two badges and four Pokemon, when I only started two weeks ago!" Ego much?

Naiad wasn't impressed. "My mother is Karen, the greatest trainer in Johto, although I doubt you Kanto people know of her."

"_My_ mother was the greatest Sue to ever live!"

"My father's Pokemon won the Hoenn Beauty Contest three years running!"

Etc, etc. Repeat for several hours.

* * *

Vanatessa checked to make sure everyone was still asleep before she headed out. And by 'checked to make sure', I mean 'glanced once around the room'. It was roughly four AM, and Vanny wanted a head start on the other trainers. Mystical new Pokemon? It was _so_ hers. Dan still hadn't turned up, but he was a big boy and he could handle himself (eternity with Tracey was an entirely different matter). 

Skip all the walking-up-to-Mount-Moon scenes because nothing interesting happens and I, as has been stated many times, am frigging lazy if nothing else. It's pitch black, and she's hiking up to a mountain, but she doesn't trip and kill or otherwise seriously injure herself on random rocks, or even the occasional Geodude, because they're smarter than to get in a Sue's way. Yes, even the rocks.

Inside the cave, Vanatessa would have been wishing she had brought a torch, but as it turned out she had night vision. However, not even a Zubat was in sight, and certainly not an unknown Pokemon. Well, naturally; it must be further back in the caverns. (I think I'm starting to abuse semi-colons here. I am A Bad Person).

Making her way to the furthermost reaches of Mount Moon – let's ignore that you'd come out on Cerulean's side for the sake of the story – Vanatessa felt the ground shake. This must be it! Preparing herself, she entered the final cave, and was met with a shock. This was not a new Pokemon. This was not a Pokemon found in the wild. This was not a Pokemon that normally had pitch-black eyes.

This was a Machamp.

This Machamp, after a lot of bad experiences, did not take lightly to humans and had finally found peace. This Machamp did not appreciate its new home being invaded. This was also a Machamp who happened to know Rock Slide.

They never found the body.

* * *

IT'S OVER! 

…Or is it? Dun dun dun.

No really, it's over. Come on, we all wanted her to die anyway.

Thanks to all who reviewed! I love you all. But not you seven hundred other guys who didn't. I shake my fist at you!

Yay, first multi-chapter fic I've ever actually finished. Fear.


End file.
